Ridley's First Soccer Game

Saturday was Ridley's first soccer game. She had a blast playing a new sport with new kids. Her team even won! Here's a video of Ridley's very first soccer goal ever!



The teams were so cute! I can't get over how funny a soccer game made up of 4 year olds can be!

I want time to turn around.

I miss my babies.

They can't be babies forever, I know.

But,

I miss my babies.

I cannot believe that Ridley will start kindergarten in 5 months.

Ugh.

I cannot believe that Harper stopped saying "Ree-ree".

Ugh.

I feel like I've been punched in the face every day for the last 2 weeks with all the strides my babies have made.

I'm a wreck.

A Story You Have Heard Before

He found me in high school, it's a
Story you have heard before, of
Sunlight and the hope for something more
And friendship turns to passion, like some
Bird that learns to fly
There is no time for the chance to wonder why

So kiss my eyes until I get to sleep
With promises we knew we could not keep

He said stand up, make some sound
Try to let them see
Throw your histories to the ground
Set all your prisoners free
He stands back to sigh
This impossible goodbye

Now who can show the moment when
Commitment goes astray?
Does my mind still so entwined in yesterday
Strung out my emotions, like some
Loving puppeteer
But these strings are not as light as they appear

I came a thousand miles to see his eyes
He met me with this new, aloof disguise

This fear tastes like a rusty knife
A chocolate bar's tinfoil
Love tastes like it's soaked in life
Anger, blood and soil
He stands back to sigh
This impossible goodbye

Well, I am witness to his soaring soul and my
Am I another souvenir that he must leave behind?
With light that sings, the ice, these wings, my bonds untie
I think I see some open sky

He said stand up, make some sound
Try to let them see
Throw your histories to the ground
Set all your prisoners free
This fear tastes like a rusty knife
A chocolate bar's tinfoil
Love tastes like it's soaked in life
Anger, blood and soil
He stands back to sigh
This impossible goodbye

We both start to cry
It's this impossible goodbye

Unearthly Refrain

Expectations loom and haunt me
With these questions I must choose
In our minds that youth formed with the
Friction of opposing views
We're not spilled on grasping whims
Kick 'em in, so plain to see
Stressly fierce and yet unvented
Still I have no tragedy

To be soaring in un un un unearthly refrain
Fall face down in the mud for the tiny comment, rough and bland
To be soaring in un un un unearthly refrain
Fall face down in the mud for the tiny comment, rough and bland

Salted crackers, sun and water
Sprinting fast through unmarked snow
With all these thoughts of moving forward
That's okay, we eat too slow
Smell and taste and interaction
Watch me wonder, watch me strive
Breathing deep the sun's first shadows
'Cause I live, 'cause I am alive

To be soaring in un un un unearthly refrain
Fall face down in the mud for the tiny comment, rough and bland
To be soaring in un un un unearthly refrain
Fall face down in the mud for the tiny comment, rough and bland
You're rough and bland

Airport Lounge

Slouch down in my puke-orange chair and sigh
The air is full of nerves and human cells
Beside me sits some awkward girl who lies
Fell half in love within the airport lounge

Captain says "No smoking, if we crash try not to die"
Flying some preposterous amount of meters high
The lavatory has smoke alarms and lukewarm water and I can see
The clouds outside stretched out to nowhere, ribbed and textured easily

So aimless for so long I think I might have lost my way
It's far too late to talk about tomorrow
These are things I feel and things I think and try to say
Still waiting for the morning, I'm still waiting for today

We'll try to make you see there is no way
Attempts at comprehension always miss
He lays his body down and tries to say, he tries to say, he tries to say:
"There is no answer to a kiss"

These people make me angry, what is your's and what is mine
Talk of shopping, pure white noise, abide by every "Don't Walk" sign
Dinner at the restaurant so tisn't very nice
Nineteen dollars and fifty cents for some tasteless chicken and wild rice

So aimless for so long I think I might have lost my way
It's far too late to talk about tomorrow
These are things I feel and things I think and try to say
Still waiting for the morning, I'm still waiting for today

So aimless for so long I think I might have lost my way
It's far too late to talk about tomorrow
These are things I feel and things I think and try to say
Still waiting for the morning, I'm still waiting for today

An odd moment of parental clarity

I just told Ridley how disappointed I was in her behavior.

Background: It all started nice and sisterly. Ridley was very nicely scratching Harper's back. It turned ugly about when Ridley scratched really really hard, leaving 2 long deep scratches down Harper's back, parts of which required band-aids to appease the bleeding.

I sat Ridley down and explained to her why she needed to love her sister, not be mean, and how disappointed I was that she had forgotten that.

It's at this point that Ridley breaks down in tears, clearly feeling very badly that she had hurt her sister.

For the first time I didn't comfort her, I didn't tell her it was ok. It wasn't ok that she hurt Harper so bad.

And that's where the odd parental clarity comes in.

I realize now that the occasional guilty conscience is an extremely good thing. If people didn't have that feeling every now and then, we'd just all be jerks with no remorse and the world would be an even worse place than it already is.

I've never really had a good grasp on why we teach our kids the things we teach them. It's just what you're supposed to do, right? Help them grow up to be decent people.

Well, my kids are going to know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there is right and there is wrong. This seemingly small situation has opened my eyes to all the other instances where I've been teaching my kids right and wrong without really even realizing it.

I'm very grateful for these little moments of clarity. They make me remember why I love being responsible for small lives, not scared of it. They make me remember that I'm a good mom, that Andrew's a good dad. That we've taught our children right.